Careful What You Wish For
It was Einstein who led me down the path which very nearly led to my ruination.
“A boy rides a bicycle down a dusty road. But in his mind, he envisions himself traveling at a speed beyond imagining, on a beam of light.”
When I bought my first Mac in 1985, I began the first of three experiments.
“My computer and I are one. My computer and I are one. My computer and I are one. My computer and I are one. My computer and I are one.”
The result was unexpected, yet gratifying. Every time I touched metal I received a ghastly electrical shock. I could actually see the blue arc and it hurt like hell. I began wearing gloves. I stopped the experiment. The shocks eventually diminished before cessation.
“Nikola Tesla and I are one. Nikola Tesla and I are one. Nikola Tesla and I are one. Nikola Tesla and I are one. Nikola Tesla and I are one.”
(I knew little about the man, except that he’d been quoted as saying that, before constructing a new device, he would assemble it in his mind, then run it a while before tearing it down for inspection. This intrigued me, hence, my second experiment.)
I embellished this mantra by playing at having a conversation with Tesla. Pure imagination soon developed into what I believe was direct communication. This went on an entire summer. I would initiate contact during my daily morning walks. “You there, Nikola?” I always knew when contact was succesful because I’d get the prickles on the back of my neck. An amiable conversation ensued. We spoke of mundane things. I asked for no secrets and none were offered.
One morning, out of curiosity, I asked him if he were right or left handed. He replied, “Both.” I quickened my pace and returned home to verify. Holy shit! If I’d any doubts about the experiment, they’d been erased.
NOTE: UPDATE on Tesla
And now, the third experiment.
“Evil and I are one. Evil and I are one. Evil and I are one. Evil and I are one. Evil and I are one.”
See, I had this fucking brilliant idea that would make me famous. No one had ever, I mean ever, probed into the distilled “essence of human evil” from the perspective of evil itself. (I tried reading People of the Lie to get a handle on the subject but stopped short. A virtous man deciphering evil? Balderdash!) I would be the first. I would write the definitive text. And so, “Evil and I are one. Evil and I are one. Evil and I are one. Evil and I are one. Evil and I are one.”
As with the previous experiments, a couple days passed before the results came in.
I was shaving, getting ready to start another day in the classroom, my face lathered in white foam. I feel funny. Woozy. My eyes. My eyes! Look! In the mirror! My pupils are red! Deep delicious red! I feel myself falling, falling into those eyes. Or, more accurately, I’m being pulled into the mirror image of myself. I am exhilarated and terrified.
Two conflicting thoughts present themselves at the same time.
“You’ve done it, Jeffrey. This is it. Dive in and reap your rewards. Success!”
“No no no! Back off! You may never get back. Back the fuck off!”
I don’t know where I’d be today if I’d made the wrong decision.
Postscript: I told this story to a visiting friend, a fellow school teacher who is also a church deacon. He surprised me when he said, “How do you know the Devil isn’t in you right now? Maybe you were tricked.”
He then commanded we get on our knees and pray for deliverance. I was embarrassed for I am not a religious man but I did as I was told. We knelt. He prayed. Still, his question lingers…
P.P.S.: The stylized picture at the top has its roots in a Xeroxed copy of my face I’d made one early morning when the copy room at school was empty. It still scares me.
