Once Upon A Time…
Once upon a time
I lived with the Phoenicians.
One and all knew me
because of the leopard skin
on my arm
and the monkey
round my neck.
Working together,
monkey and I
created the 22 letters
which the Greeks
later plundered
for themselves.
And from those roots
was born the
western alphabet
which has gifted us
many great slogans such as
I’d walk a mile for a camel
and
Plop plop fizz fizz.
Because the Phoenician alphabet
was originally scribed
with a stylus,
they were angular and straight,
like some people
you know.
However,
that is neither
here nor there.
What is important
is the fact that,
due to it’s simple phonetic nature,
literacy was now available to the masses,
leading to some of the canons of
western literature, such as
Peyton Place by Grace Metalious…
“Is it up, Rod?” she panted, undulating her body under his. “Is it up good and hard?” “Oh, yes,” he whispered, almost unable to speak. “Oh, yes.” Without another word, Betty jackknifed her knees, pushed Rodney away from her, clicked the lock on the door and was outside of the car. “Now go shove it into Allison MacKenzie,” she screamed.
…and, of course, Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann
“It hurt a lot and I didn’t come. But Mel made me come the other way.”
“What are you talking about?”
“He went down on me.”
“Neely!”
“I bet coming the other way won’t be half as great.”
Summing up,
the Phoenician alphabet
gave westerners the tools
to create stories which,
even today,
sear the loins of men,
women,
and, of course,
monkeys.
